


Maybe

by JustAnotherUnderstudy



Series: This Should Totally Be A Thing [22]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond (Movies), James Bond - All Media Types
Genre: And Tanner ships it, Death, F/M, I Made Myself Cry, Inner Dialogue, OK that's not hard to do, Older Woman/Younger Man, Protective James Bond, Regret, Sad, Tanner knows, Tissue Warning, Unrequited Love, well kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2019-03-19 12:19:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13704333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAnotherUnderstudy/pseuds/JustAnotherUnderstudy
Summary: For Tayryn: Challenge Accepted. :DSeriously, I wrote this story for the sole purpose of making people cry.





	Maybe

**Author's Note:**

> Your fingers set fire to my soul and then disappeared  
> We broke the quiet of this town, now it's silent here 
> 
> And when we're back it's even worse because suddenly  
> What used to be a home to me is filled with fear that you'll appear
> 
> My fingers set fire to the pages you could never find  
> Maybe if I wrote something perfect, you could change your mind
> 
> And all the things that I did or said would be a memory of a time  
> When I just wasn't ready to feel the fear that you would disappear
> 
> Oh, maybe  
> Oh, maybe  
> Oh, maybe  
> Oh, maybe
> 
> \--Maybe, by Alaskan Tapes

It’s different this time, he thinks. With Vesper his feelings were mixed, confused, jumbled. Anger, betrayal, and grief all rushed through his mind in a mad swirl. In that moment he wasn’t entirely sure which emotion was causing him the most pain.

Now, it’s different. He knows exactly what he feels as he holds Olivia in his arms. It is all grief, all sorrow. The what-might-have-beens play in his mind, mocking him, making his grief more intense. And he is frozen.

Fortunately, Kincade is not. He looks up as the man kneels down next to him and tries to take Olivia from his arms.

“Lad, please, I have to try to help her.”

Help her? James wonders what help can be given. But he trusts Kincade so he releases her. Kincade lays Olivia on the stone floor and begins to administer CPR. After a minute, he pulls his phone out of his pocket and forces James to take it.

“Call your people.”

Then he returns his attentions to Olivia.

James doesn’t bother telling Kincade it will be too late. They are too far away. There is no hope for her.

He obeys, because there is nothing else for him to do. Besides, he has to face them at some point. He has to tell them he failed…failed at the most important job he’d ever had for MI6.

He is finally routed to Tanner. Why it took so long he doesn’t question. He is numb as he watches Kincade work on Olivia.

“We’re nearly there now, Bond,” Tanner informs him.

He never asks why, never even wonders. The grief is all consuming and there is no room in his mind for anything else.

The EMTs enter the kirk and James begins to see the scene outside his own body. It is as if he, too, has died and he’s watching things in his spirit form. It is a surreal experience he’s only had once before, when his parents died. He watches Tanner pull him to his feet and guide him out of the building to follow after Olivia who has been transferred to a gurney and is being taken to a waiting helicopter.

When they load her onto the chopper and prepare to leave, James is suddenly back in his body and intensely aware of everything. He shouts and pulls away from Tanner to run toward the helicopter. It takes Kincade, Tanner, and Mallory to hold him back so the EMTs can take off.

As their hold on him slackens after the helicopter takes off, James’ mind snaps him into action. He turns immediately and swings at Mallory, who is mostly defenseless with one arm in a sling. Mallory is on the ground and James turns to Tanner. His only goal is to get away, to follow after Olivia. Before he can lash out again, he feels strong, thick arms around him, pinning his own arms to his body. James thrashes and tries to get away, but Kincade’s hold is too secure.

Tanner helps Mallory up and they both stare at James in surprise. Kincade is saying something to him but the blood is rushing so hot and fast in his ears he hears nothing. The hold tightens, and James’ breathing becomes labored. It’s then that he begins to notice the cold. His body is shivering. Mallory and Tanner look up at something behind him, but James doesn’t notice what it is. He only wonders if Olivia is warm enough. He didn’t see a blanket on her when they took her.

* * *

He wakes in hospital and his first thought is of Olivia. He can almost feel her in his arms as she died.

She’s dead, he thinks as he stares at the ceiling with unseeing eyes.

What was he supposed to do? He realizes now, too late, that she was the reason he did anything. His work, to be sure, but even more, even down to the way he dressed. At the time he’d told himself the reason he was so particular about how he was dressed was because he enjoyed fine clothing, now he knew he took the trouble because of how it would look to her.

He closes his eyes and allows his thoughts of her to consume him until he can take it no more and needs to get away.

Just as he swings his legs over the edge of the bed and attempts to stand, the door to his room opens. He’d curse his bad fortune except he discovers his legs aren’t ready to work and he tumbles to the ground.

Someone cries out for help. It's a woman’s voice, her voice. He looks up into her face filled with concern.

“Mr. Bond, are you alright?”

He smiles. It is so good to hear her voice again, to see her again, up and moving and…dressed like nurse. His mind ignores that and focuses on her face. Another nurse comes around the bed and the two women begin to help him back into the bed. He glances away from Olivia for a moment to see the other nurse and discovers she, too, is Olivia. A movement at the foot of the bed catches his attention and he looks up to see yet another Olivia.

James realizes he’s been given a chance, one he'd never thought he’d get, one to finally tell her how he feels.

He looks to the Olivia on his left who is adjusting pillows behind him.

“I love you,” he says.

“I’m sure you do, Mr. Bond.”

She doesn’t believe him. Of course, she doesn’t. He will have to convince her.

“I never said anything because I was afraid of how you’d take it,” he tells her.

“Mm-hmm,” she replies.

“I understand it’s hard to believe. I know I’ve been difficult. But you know me better than anyone, haven’t you seen it? Haven’t you noticed that everything I do is for you?”

This Olivia ignores him completely and looks at the one standing on his right and says something about a fever.

“The doctor will be in shortly,” is all she says when she turns back to him. Then she and the Olivia who had been standing at the foot of the bed leave the room.

He turns to the Olivia on his right who is changing his IV bag.

“Were you warm enough?” he asks.

“When?”

“On the helicopter. Those things are so bloody drafty, and they didn’t put a blanket on you.”

She smiles down at him.

“I was fine.”

James sighs in relief.

Olivia holds up the thermometer and James opens his mouth dutifully. Then she begins to wrap the blood pressure cup around his arm. Her hands feel so good on his skin that he shivers in pleasure. 

“Are you cold, Mr. Bond?”

 James shakes his head and gives her a dopey smile around the thermometer. His head is beginning to feel groggy. There are several beeps and Olivia unwraps the cuff then takes the thermometer from his mouth.

“I love you,” he tells her.

She smiles at him and reaches up to brush her fingers through his hair.

“I can tell,” she says.

James is relieved. She knows. He told her. Everything will be OK now.

* * *

The next time James wakes, Tanner is sitting at his bedside. Shortly, he becomes aware that his body aches as if it has taken a beating. He tries to move his arm but it's stuck on something, in fact, both his arms are stuck. He thrashes out only to discover his legs are also bound.

“Calm down, James,” Tanner says. 

“Calm down? How the hell am I supposed to calm down, you’ve got me bloody tied up. What the hell, Tanner.”

James is angry. He needs to get up, he needs to find her.

“James, it’s for your own good. You won’t stay in bed and the doctor is afraid you’ll break a bone if you fall down again.”

James looks at Tanner in surprise.

“What are you talking about?”

“For the past two days, every time you woke, you’ve tried to get out of bed to find M.”

James lays his head back on the pillow. He can’t remember any of that. He has a vague recollection of seeing Olivia here in his room, but beyond that, there is nothing.

“Where is she?”

It might be a stupid question, for all he knows. She might be dead, buried…

“She’s in ICU,” Tanner informs him.

She's alive. James closes his eyes and takes a deep breath hoping to calm himself.

“How is she?”

“She’s in an induced coma. She had surgery to remove bullet and stone fragments from her hip. That was successful, but she’d lost a lot of blood. They’re not sure if she’ll make it or not.”

James thinks for a few seconds before he makes his decision. He opens his eyes and looks at Tanner.

“Can you get in to see her?”

Tanner nods.

“Will you tell her I, uh…” James stops, suddenly nervous.

Tanner simply stands and nods.

“Of course,” he says, then turns toward the door.

“Wait, what will you tell her?”

Tanner turns back and gives him an incredulous look that tells James the man knows everything.

“How did you know?” 

Tanner smiles.

“It’s been obvious for a number of years now.”

James instantly thinks of Mallory and his words in M’s office after Olivia had lied and told James he’d passed all his tests.

“She never compromised herself,” he said, almost frantic to make sure there is no way to tarnish her reputation.

Tanner looks as if he's considering his next words carefully.

“I always thought that, at least until the hard drive…”

He leaves the other words hanging and James curses himself for his stupidity. If he’d only returned after he woke in Turkey, none of this would be happening now.

“We never…she doesn’t even know,” iss the only defense he can come up with.

“I think she knows,” Tanner says. “Like you, she chose to ignore it for the sake of her duty.”

Tanner gives him a sad smile then opens the door and leaves James alone with his thoughts.

* * *

James stares across the city from the top of MI6’s new offices. Olivia had often escaped to the rooftop in the old building. He found her there once after they’d returned after the whole Quantum mess. She’d looked so small then. He’d never seen her as small. Despite her stature, she’d always seemed larger than him, stronger, more confident.

They’d been trying to force a permanent body guard on her and he could tell it had been unnerving. She trusted no one now. In that moment he realized she didn’t even trust herself. It scared him more than he wanted to admit.

“Wow, I didn’t even know you could come up here.”

James grimaces at the unwanted interruption.

“Hate to waste a view,” he says without turning.

“I can see why.”

The conversation paused and the agent looked out across the building, but she didn’t see what James saw. He knows she never will. He finally turns and heads back inside, with her following.

When they enter the front office they find Tanner waiting.

“Morning, 007.”

“Morning, Tanner.”

“He’ll see you now.”

James walks into the office.

“How’s the arm, sir?”

“What? Oh, it’s fine, it’ll get better,” he says “All pretty shocking for someone unused to field work.”

James only smiles.

“So, 007. Lots to be done.”

James approaches the desk and the new M turns a file toward him.

“I’ll just need your signature where you find the red X’s.”

James nods and picks up the pen next to the file and begins to read through the papers and sign them.

“You sure about this?” M interrupts as James nears the last page.

James nods. He doesn’t add that there is no point staying on. Without her, being in the service is no longer something that holds the remotest interest.

He finishes the last page and sets down the pen.

“Alright, then,” M says. “Just one more thing.”

He stands and holds out his hand. James reaches under his jacket to pull out his Walther. He removes the cartridge and clears the chamber then hands both parts to M.

“Bond, you have voluntarily resigned your license to kill.”

James had always thought they’d take his gun literally from his cold, dead hand. He never truly expected to live. But he always lived, and now he realizes he’d done even that for her.

M sets down the gun and holds out his hand again to shake Bond’s.

With that, Bond’s service is finished. He’d thought he might regret it just a bit, but he doesn’t. Without Olivia, he has no reason to serve, no _one_ to serve.

* * *

Taking a deep breath, he pushes open the door to the room. She sits in her wheelchair staring out the window. It hurts him to see her in it, that constant reminder of how he’d failed her.

“Bond, really, melancholy doesn’t suit you in the slightest,” her voice is laced with rebuke and it makes him smile.

As he walks toward her she unlocks the wheels on her chair and turns herself around. She’d taken to it rather quickly though she was still pushing herself in physio.

“I understand you’ve come to break me out,” she says and raises a brow at him, her face so serious despite her words.

“Yes, I have,” he replies.

She hesitates a moment before she speaks.

“Are you sure about this?”

He leans down and re-locks her wheels, then sets both hands on the arm rests of the chair. He brushes his lips across hers in a whisper of a kiss.

“Absolutely.”

She looks surprised, though it isn’t the first time he’s kissed her. He holds her examining gaze as she looks for any trace of a lie. Then she smiles and shakes her head.

“I certainly never expected this.”

James picks up her bags from her bed and follows her out of the room.

A nurse quickly catches up with them and attempts to “help” Olivia with the chair. James chuckles silently as Olivia gives her a sharp retort and the nurse settles for the semblance of helping her by walking directly behind the chair.

They leave out the side of the building where James has left his car.

“A minivan, Bond?”

She looks up at him in shock.

"I thought it would be more comfortable, and I can set your chair in the back.”

She harrumphes her disapproval, but she accepts his help into the passenger seat.

James folds up the chair and sets it with the bags in the back of the van. He thanks the nurse and gives a parting wave as they pull away.

“Well, it’s sure as hell more comfortable than that awful DB5,” Olivia quips.

He glares at her, the memory of his lost car still stings.

“Maybe I should have had Q install an eject button in this car,” he returns.

“Probably,” she says. “I might need to use it when I drive.”

He gives her a questioning look.

“I have a terrible feeling you’re a backseat driver.”

James rolls his eyes but feels a smile creep to his face.

As he drives toward the flat he’s let for them he realized that today, for the first time, he is truly happy. He's given up his long fought for 00 status, he’s left behind everything he once thought important to him, and he is almost ecstatically happy.

“Are we going to have to talk about this romantic streak you’ve suddenly developed?”

He glances at her and sees she has a slight smile on her face.

“Oh, I plan to do more than talk about it,” he tells her.

She laughs and James reaches over and takes her hand in his.

It is warm, and she is alive, more so than he’d ever seen her at MI6. He’d worried that she’d hate being forced out to pasture, but she’d told him that she was alive, and it was a shame to waste such a gift. It’s what she had fought for for so many people over the years, she thought maybe she ought to experience it herself.

When they pull in front of the flat, James stops the car and leans over to kiss her soundly. He never dared kissed her like this at the convalescent center. She sighs as he deepens the kiss. When he finally pulls away they are both breathless.

He glances toward the back of the van then up at her.

She looks at him dubiously as he gives her a wicked grin.

“You know, I think the back is just about the right size for…”

“Don’t you even think it,” she says and laughs again.

He grins at her before giving her a quick peck on the cheek.

As he helps her into the house and then unloads the car he thinks that this time it really is different. With Vesper, he’d thought he was happy, but there’d been a tug in his heart, a knowledge that he’d given up something for her. When he’d sent his resignation to M, he’d smiled at Vesper, but it hadn’t felt like this.

With M he feels no such regret. On paper he’s given up his license to kill, given up the life he thought he loved. But here, with her, he knows he’s given up nothing, only gained what he’d always wanted.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you at least choked up a bit. :) If only for the happy ending.


End file.
